Hands up who is a freeze mode hero sometimes when it comes to self-care? Social media can be such a gift when it comes to education but one of the downsides is that we are constantly bombarded with information on how to better our life experiences, whilst that can be amazing, it’s unsurprising that for most of it it’s also super overwhelming. 

Is this the most relatable meme ever? 

The truth is we don’t have to do it all, all of the time. It’s actually this all-or-nothing mindset that contributes to those feelings of overwhelm and the result is us throwing our own self-care out the window because it quite honestly feels like far too much effort! 

I want to introduce you to a concept that I learned from Karen Walrond. If you don’t know who Karen is, she is a lawyer, photographer, activist, leadership coach and author of The light makers manifesto: how to work for change without losing your joy. I listened to a podcast between her and her friend Dr. Brene Brown and she talked about this practice of self-care that became a total game-changer for me. 

The idea is similar to one a gratitude practice that you will have heard of before but it dives a little deeper, it goes beyond noticing the good (which is ultra important for sound mental wellbeing) and also addresses your needs based on how you feel - thus negating that feeling of “well I might as well not do anything because what’s the point when I can’t do the million and one things I’m told to in order to be healthy and happy” In a word, it breaks things down into manageable chunks that work for the one person’s self care that really matters for - YOURS. 

This is a particularly powerful practice if you are a person who cares deeply about the world, because it allows you to remind yourself of the good and helps you to gather the energy to recoup and then go back into doing the work. Karen describes it not as something to heal the wounds but as a proactive tool that hels you connect with the joy we need to see when the world is super heavy. 

This practice can be done in journal form (this is how I do it) or you can even just answer the questions in your head. Whatever works for you, it’s so simple but so powerful and I’d love to know if you’ve come across it before or if you find it helpful. 

It starts with three questions: 

How can I feel connected today? 

How can I feel healthy today? 

How can I feel purposeful today? 

Connected

As humans we need connection but we all have varying needs based on our life experiences, hormone cycles and what’s going on in our world. Asking yourself “How can I feel connected today?” gives you the space to reflect on what level of connection you need and make a plan for it. Let’s say you’re immediate response is “Ugh I don’t want to see people today” then maybe the connection you need is with yourself or with a close friend who you feel super safe with, so your answer might be “I’m going to text (insert besties name) and just say hey, I’m having a rough day and I need to feel some love, do you have space for me?” and so you put that on your to-do list for that day (or action it right away). If the connection you need is with yourself then you can journal what that looks like for you. For me, that’s time in nature so I take that time when I’m journaling (first thing in the morning) to plan how I can get even 5 minutes of nature and time to myself that day and I block it into my diary as a non-negotiable. 

Healthy 

This is a brilliant question for me because it actually highlights when I am in chaos. If my response to “how can I feel healthy today?” is “Ugh I don’t want to be healthy” then I know I’m burning out or something is off with me. That’s why this practice is so special because instead of pushing myself to undertake my preconceived ideas of what “being healthy is “ Ie going to the gym, when I really don’t have the energy for it - I’m able to identify what I need to look after my health that day and also what I can cope with, it might be a nap, it might be some extra water, or it might be a walk outside. The key is that it’s specific to me and again because I practice this in the morning I can make a plan for how I’ll fit that into my day. 

Purpose 

We need a sense of purpose, it’s really important to us as human beings and I really love this question. As someone who tends to wrap their worth up in their productivity, I am often very guilty of doing far too much to scratch my purpose itch, the result can be burnout and even resentment toward the work of my purpose. I love this question because it allows me to reflect on one thing I can do that day to feel purposeful and it’s so specific to me. This one really needs you to tap into what your own sense of purpose is but I’d also encourage you to look at the bigger picture and the wider world and ask how you can make a difference today. It could be paying forward a coffee and your daily coffee stop, it could be reading about a term that you’re unfamiliar with or reaching out to someone who you know is having a difficult time and offering your help. Again you pick something that is possible based on your capacity and how your day looks and plan how you’ll put it into action that day. 

So there you have it, a simple yet effective practice that allows you to care for yourself and consider your impact as a human navigating this world. I’d really love to know if it works for you and please check out Karen’s work.