My 3 Rules for Dealing with Difficult Situations
As most of you know I have massively scaled my business in the past 3 years, going from a self-employed PT to a venue owner with a team and wearing all of the hats in between.
As we approach the 3rd birthday of The Mutha Ship whilst simultaneously going through some big changes I have been reflecting on my lessons from these past few years.
It’s been an absolute rollercoaster and I have had to have many, many difficult conversations as well as being catapulted into situations I never saw coming, I haven’t only been learning how to be a leader of a team and a community in normal circumstances, which is challenging enough- but I’ve also been learning those lessons in the chaos of a pandemic.
I have so much more to say on the impact this pandemic has and continues to have on us all but today I want to share with you a lesson that I learned from one of my clients and now very good friends, way back when I was a baby business owner. This lesson has been one of the most important I have ever learned and I return to it time and time again to help me navigate difficult situations in life and in business!
It focuses on 3 rules (now this may be a well-known concept and if it is I apologise for not crediting the creator but this is the version that was shared with me)
Take the emotion out of it
Game changer for me. How many times have you reacted to a situation on immediate emotions, then on reflection, felt regret? When we lead from an emotional place we tend to react and not respond, which can then make a difficult situation even worse. Now I’m not saying dismiss your emotions, you’ve got to feel your feelings and you can absolutely voice them, but taking time to unpack what you are feeling and WHY you are feeling it can help you realise if your perception of the situation is the reality or not.
When you can remove these emotive reactions you are also less likely to attack or react defensively - always handy when dealing with difficult decisions and conversations.
Stick to the facts
This one comes up for me a lot. How many times have you spun stories based on what you assume people are thinking? We judge everyone by our own moral compass and that often makes it really hard for us to understand why people behave in ways we didn’t expect them to.
Social media also gives us SO much access to people's lives, in a way we’ve never had before, so it’s no surprise we get frustrated that someone has posted on their story but not replied to that really important email we sent them. SM is creating a boundaryless world and technology is giving us the expectation that people should be tapped in all of the time, we then as humans tend to create our own version of scenarios that can really disrupt relationships.
When you stick to the facts you give people the benefit of the doubt meaning you’re able to approach a situation with more clarity and less ego.
Focus on the outcome you want
This is my favourite rule, we can get so bogged down by the little things that we totally lose perspective. I’ve seen my past self grip on to an argument like a bulldog “just because” and go back and forth getting all wound up when in reality the outcome wasn’t one that mattered to me anyway.
Focusing on the outcome you want in any given situation is a brilliant way to take a step outside the intensity of the moment and get clear on what is really important and what you can let go of.
Thanks to my very good friend, I now call these “My rules to live by” the idea is to take these three rules and apply them to all situations that feel difficult. That could be anything from navigating something that has gone wrong within your team, to holding space for a disgruntled loved one or preparing for a difficult conversation. These past two years I’ve used the 3 rules more times than I can count. They have saved me from my ego, which would have seen difficult situations turn into explosive ones, many many times and above all they have helped me to respond within my values and show up in the world the way I really want to.
I’d love to know if you use them and how they work for you!