How you look will never be more important than how you feel!
I spent a lot of my life believing the opposite of this heading.
The first photo of me on this carousel is from 2017. I was 18 months postnatal. You might see someone who looks lean and maybe at first glance you’d think of them as healthy. But what you’d really mean is slim. And in a world where we glorify slim as the epitome of health, maybe you’d think “I wish I could be that lean, then I’d be happier”
But what you don’t see is a woman in turmoil.
Someone struggling to have the energy to do everyday things yet still dragging herself through 2-hour sessions at the gym.
A person in so much pain - mentally and physically - that she worried constantly that she was unwell.
Someone who couldn’t sleep, who barely ate and who just felt angry all of the time.
A person who looked in the mirror and thought “it still isn’t enough, I could be leaner, more muscular, fitter, thinner, prettier…”
That 2017 version of me really loathed herself and the only way she knew how to control those feelings was to control how her body looked. She was hiding from her shadow self and numbing with obsessive habits.
The second photo is of me in May 2021. I’m still healing. The journey is not and will never be “over” as long as I’m alive. I’ll still feel those niggles of pressure to obsess over my size and to “look” like a personal trainer - but what keeps those demons at bay is being more mindful about my feeling and keeping notes on how I FEEL.
This 2021 version of me
Sleeps
Eats without restriction
Says yes to more than exercise
Skips workouts when she doesn’t want to do them
Lives by her own rules
This 2021 version of me FEELS everything: the good, the bad, the uncomfortable. She’s done the inner work, accepted all sides of herself and she’s no longer numbing her pain with obsessive exercise, she’s no longer striving for an “ideal” that sees her so exhausted she can’t enjoy her life.
I recognise that my body is still one of privilege. I know that the way I look still fits a “normative” but I want to share this because I know that some of you will be striving for your own version of “ideal”, believing that if you only had abs or a flat tummy or were smaller in general you’d FEEL better. I promise you that happiness is not guaranteed in a small body.
Your life is yours and you have the right to do whatever you want with it. If you want to lose weight then you absolutely should, but before you go on that journey, I’d encourage you to sit with why. Be truly honest with yourself and if you uncover that the real reason is that you believe that people who live in thin bodies are healthier and happier then it’s time to take that deep dive into what you really want and need to find your happiness. No matter how slim you get, you cannot hate yourself into a version of yourself that you will love, trust me, friend, I have been there.
The road to self-acceptance is not an easy one, but that’s exactly why SLAM exists. It’s a place where people who have been there hold space for the people who are currently there. So if you are feeling lost and over the diet culture BS but don’t know how to find movement that brings you joy and a love for that wonderful body of yours, please come and join us in our judgement-free, supportive space where all bodies are welcome - especially yours <3